Shutdown Times & The Cute-O-Meter

Dear Ones, 

Today, is day 13 or 14 or 15 of being home. Not so sure. What a time it has been riding the waves that come with the full spectrum of emotions for each of us. The newness of it all brings high discomfort at times and deep gratitude for the ordinary given these times of uncertainty and quarantine. We have our health, our jobs, and each other so this is abundance. 

Those of us quarantining with young ones, highly sensitive ones, a-typical ones, neurodiverse, or highly movement-seeking ones might be seeing some emotional or physical regressing these past few days and weeks. Maybe we are seeing ourselves regress in surprising ways too. Perhaps your child in wanting to fall sleep on your bed, some might halt potty-training, others might revert to eating the same things or not eating at all because nothing tastes right; yet others  will show more physical forms of self-regulating like stimming, pacing, eloping or moving in a repetitive pattern over a larger area within your space. We have certainly seen this as we ended our second week here at home. Children are not the only ones who might be showing signs of distress. Some regressing behaviors might also be happening for those who are recovering from trauma, loss, or living with any kind of memory loss or dementia. 

These times have brought overwhelm, stress, and monumental changes in routines. For many who thrive on set routines with minimal transitions, coping with the high levels of stress and overwhelm does require them to limit their capacity to be independent about many things they used to be able to do. For others, it means that they will have less bandwidth for discomfort and revert to more aggressive or augmented behaviors.

As we pick up the signs of distress and listen for the need expressed, one of the tools we have is to establish a calm environment. This is quite the tall order if the sign of distress involves yelling or any form of aggression. Often, we need to establish calm in the middle of an "all systems shutdown" situation. One tool that has been quite helpful as a mother and teacher is the Cute-O-Meter game. 

The Cute-O-Meter (scale)

This is a game that can be played while in the same space or at opposite sides of the door if the shutdown means that you are no longer in the same space with your child. You need blank paper, crayons or marker (a pencil will do), and your playful creativity. You draw a meter or scale to measure cuteness on one sheet of paper (see picture to the right). This is the cute-o-meter. Give the cute-o-meter to your child as they will use it to judge your drawings' cuteness. Also give her a pencil to be the pointer marking the level of cuteness on the cute-o-meter.

Steve from Kiwi Co

On the other sheet of paper draw something cute. You can google how to draw cute things and watch a myriad of videos on how to do this. After each drawing, let your child score your drawing for cuteness. If your child is on the other side of the door you can slip the paper to him and let him score it that way. If your child is in the car or outside you might want to draw close to a window so as to eventually engage your child in watching you draw. Then, post the drawing on the window so that your child can evaluate its cuteness.

This exercise of drawing for your child to evaluate serves two main purposes if not three. First, drawing is a calming sensory-filled experience which benefits your own regulation and hopefully your child as well. You do it without words, you hear the quiet sound of crayon on paper (crayon is the least "loud" drawing utensil auditorily and visually), and something unfolds slowly into a new creation. Second, your child's brain can start to decompress and feel a sense of control by the special task of judging or evaluating the cuteness of the drawing. Hopefully, your brain will decompress a bit as well. If this activity or some version of it works for your child to find calm, then it served the third purpose of connection. Connecting does not need to involve hugging, talking, or direct engagement. Connection can be nonverbal, tandem, and distanced. 

As you develop your own version of this playful aim at finding calm, you might want to consider the following: 

      

Swinging Sloth & Friends

* I picked "cuteness" as what has resonated with my children and students because they loves cute things. Your child could measure silliness, coolness, weirdness, etc. based on what she/he is into.

* Your child does not have to be in the same space as you but ideally would be curious enough by the third or fourth drawing so as to come out of their sheltering to watch you draw. This might be critical to getting him to feel safe, to eat, or even drink water or juice if the shutdown was partly due to low oxygen or blood sugar levels.

   

Yummy Cute Things

* Remember that the goal is to calm yourself and your child so the less you talk the better. You do not have to talk to give any instructions. You might just start drawing the first thing then slide over the cute-o-meter and say "I wonder how cute you think this is? or "I would say its this cute" (placing the pencil down on the scale meter)." In my experience, this is when a child might interject and move the pointer indicating his opinion. 

* The actual meter (scale of cuteness) can be as simple as is developmentally appropriate. You can write in numbers (0-5 or 0-10) or descriptions (not cute, kind of cute, getting cuter, so cute, beyond cute) or even use emojis. You can use a pencil as a pointer or put the meter in a plastic pouch and use dry erase marker to mark the level of cuteness. Your meter might be linear like a time line or a stop light.

    

Teddy in Fairy Land

* You can draw one object at a time in separate sheets of paper or keep adding to one paper making a collage of cute things. Whatever will be most sensitive and responsive to your child's needs or rhythm. 

Please note, I am sharing mostly all the cute drawings here. However, some of our best laughs have been from the botched attempts at drawing cute things (like Kiwi Co.'s character Steve). So, have fun and just draw. The cute pictures can become posters around your child's space or common area and the not-so-cute ones can be posted in a specific area or place in a box for "not so cute things" get torn up or recycled leaving fun memories behind.

Not-So-Cute Steve from Kiwi Co. 

Please feel free leave a question or comment below.

Be well in your courageous unfolding.

-Patricia 

The Cute-O-Meter Scale